So one of the reasons I have decided to write this blog as a way to document my journey through motherhood, as so many days get swept up together and lost in the blurry confusion of the past. A bit like when you wake from a really good dream but by the time your cup of half drunk tea is cold you have forgotten what was so great about it as all the details and ‘realness’ of the dream get lost… Anyway, that is kind of how the past 4 and a half years feel. Since my son was born with the sleep deprivation that followed and then the second baby arriving, throw in a 9 month visit to the uk and it all seems to be one very long a chaotic dream.
And since Senny, my oldest, comes out with the most amazing things and so often I forget them by the end of the day (bad mother alert!) I felt I should have a place to document them. Also I will be able to reflect back at the crazy times when I am older and my boys are grown up and I will be able to say “look, maybe it was fun after all!” ha ha I also want to keep track of my journey to understandingmy kids and how our daily life is affected by the fact that we are pretty sure that our oldest boy has Asperger’s Syndrome.
I feel like such a weight has lifted off me since I realised that Asperger’s is most probably a part of what makes Sennen the way he is. That now I realise that he IS different, and not just ‘naughty’ because I am not parenting him effectively, or that I am some how doing something ‘wrong’ which if I did ‘right’ things would magically click into place and be easy (ha yeah right!) but actually, now I know why he is sometimes so difficult, so frustrating and challenging, I can learn to understand, empathise, and work with him rather than feeling like life is a constant battle against him.
I have accepted that he is not your ‘typical’ child. I have accepted his difference from me and from his brother, and that has been like a lightbulb turning on, illuminating a way of understanding him.
Hurrah! Hooray! Knowledge is power, and I feel empowered knowing that I can now help him be the best version of himself that he can possibly be. And now I can learn to be the best mother that I can be for him too.
Perhaps life will now resemble organised chaos slightly more than just a chaotic dream…
we shall see.